Reflections: Chapter 9 - Finding a Place for Pup

Lessons learned from my mom's final years.

Aug 01, 2026

This is Chapter 9 in the series. You can find previous chapters here:

Reflections on Caring for an Aging Parent:

Chapter 9 - Finding a Place for Pup

Let me start this chapter by saying, I am a dog lover. For 14 years my family had a Goldendoodle, and he was awesome. He was the best dog a family could ask for. He was smart, loving, sneaky at times, and (almost) always obedient. We had to put him down a couple of years ago, and that decision and his absence still hurt. I share this because the following may not sound like I’m a dog lover.

This whole time that Mom was in rehab, we also had to board her dog, a mini poodle that she had rescued from a previous aging homeowner who was no longer able to care for it. Mom loved her dog, yet also didn’t always care for it the way it needed—another sign of being overwhelmed by life’s requirements.

After an earlier surgery, Mom and her dog both stayed with us while she was recovering. Every time I approached Mom to help her with something, the dog would yap at me like I was going to hurt her. A day or two into the stay, I was at my wit’s end—here I am trying to help Mom, and this dog was getting in the way. The dog was also not disciplined—it would freely pee and poop where it wanted.

For these reasons, we were adamant that the dog could not stay with us again.

So, when Mom went to rehab, the dog went to a kennel. And, let me tell you, a kennel is not cheap. Thankfully, after a few weeks, we found someone who could care for the dog in their home for cheaper than what the kennel was charging.

Once Mom moved into assisted living, she immediately asked when she could have her dog with her. “Well,” I said, “as soon as you’re able to walk from your room to the outside dog park, we’ll talk about that, because the dog can’t go to the bathroom in your room.” To a degree, this was a delay tactic on my part, because I wasn’t ready to deal with another difficult conversation—in her current condition, I knew there was no way she’d be able to have the dog in assisted living, she simply couldn’t make the walk to the outside dog park. The comment was also intended to provide motivation for my mom to do physical therapy and work on her movement, in hopes that one day she might be able to walk to the dog park.

Though she never admitted it to me, I think she knew that she wouldn’t be able to care for the dog properly there in assisted living, but she couldn’t stand the idea of turning her back on a dog that she herself had rescued. I get that, and I think that provides yet another glimpse into the heart of Mom.

I, on the other hand, though not heartless, had a clearer picture of the situation and knew that my love for Mom meant that I’d have to be bad cop here and be the one to blame for saying the dog could not come to assisted living.

Though it is possible to have pets in assisted living, I do not recommend it, and neither do the staff. Be them a noise issue, tripping hazard, hygiene concern, or just general added responsibility for the residents, pets can add further complications in an already complicated situation.

Eventually, we had multiple difficult conversations, and Mom finally acknowledged that she could not care for the dog there in assisted living. However, for months afterward, she would continue to say that I was the one who wouldn’t let her have her dog with her. I knew she was hurt that she couldn’t have her dog with her, and I was the outlet of her sadness and hurt.

After some research, we found a wonderful adoption agency and dropped the dog off with them. Mom wanted to see her dog before we dropped her off, but we did not think that was a good idea. We told her that it the dog would not understand why she was being reunited only to then be separated again after a few minutes. The reunion would only really be for Mom’s sake, and that was not fair to the dog.

The day we dropped off the dog at the adoption agency was yet another hurdle that we previously had no idea how to get over. Early in all of this, the issue of where her dog would live if she moved to assisted living was a looming issue that we knew we’d have to solve at a future time.

In many ways, this is how the past two years went. If someone were to tell me in the beginning all that we would go through and the many decisions we would need to make, I wouldn’t have believed them nor wanted to go through it. Thank goodness we don’t know the future; I’m afraid it would be overwhelming for us if we were all knowing. It’s best to just take each day at a time, each decision at a time.

The list of major hurdles I tallied included:

Understand Mom’s finances.
Get Mom to agree to go to assisted living.
Find a good assisted living location.
Get Mom moved into assisted living.
Go through Mom’s stuff in the house.
Get rid of stuff in the house.
Decide what to do with the dog.
Renovate the house.
Sell the house.
Get an updated will.
Get bank accounts updated.
Get money put into funds that would sustain her as long as possible in assisted living.

Even with these big tasks, there were numerous small ones that popped up each week—picking up medication, trips to medical appointments, assembling things she’d buy online (yes, that was still happening, just not as much).

But, all of these tasks, be them big or small, gave me opportunities to be with her. And for that, I’m grateful. Had she not agreed to change, her situation would’ve only deteriorated faster. Though, had she agree to change earlier, not just with the move, but with other habits, she likely would’ve lived a longer more enjoyable life, and we would’ve had even more time together.

Advice

If an aging parent has a pet, plan for that pet early.
Loving an animal and being able to care for it are not the same thing.
Be realistic about mobility, toileting, grooming, feeding, and vet needs.
Boarding costs adds up quickly.
Assisted living may technically allow pets, but that does not mean it is wise in your specific case.
Rehoming a pet can be loving if it leads to better care.

Curated Compositions

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