Reflections: Chapter 10 - Life in Assisted Living

Lessons learned from my mom's final years.

Aug 08, 2026

This is Chapter 10 in the series. You can find previous chapters here:

Reflections on Caring for an Aging Parent:

Chapter 10 - Life in Assisted Living

As I mentioned, I don’t think we could’ve found a better assisted living facility for Mom. Now that it’s changed management and ownership, I don’t know if that’s the same case. But at least for our time there, it was great. Here are some key things that stood out:

Food

Though the assisted living location was great, it wasn’t perfect, and Mom would let us know when she wasn’t happy. The complaints mirrored those I’ve heard from other people at other places and were primarily focused on the food—either the taste, the portions, or the selection available. In all fairness to Mom, there were times that she received paltry portions (she’d send me photos from her phone) and she would have to ask for more food and I’d have to talk to the staff. However, most of the times she received small portions was when she showed up toward the end of the meal period. During those times, she could still get always-available snack food, like chips and fruit. Lesson learned there—show up early to meal time to get the best selection of food that’s been prepared.

Despite the complaints on quality or quantity of food provided by the assisted living staff, it’s still provided, by others, so you don’t have to worry about going to the grocery store or cooking meals yourself. If you do want to prepare your own food, independent living facilities usually all have a stove and oven in the room. And while assisted living facilities do not usually have these, they do have microwaves and mini-fridges, so you can have your own food in your room. This, Mom took full advantage of when she’d sleep in past breakfast hours or had the desire for late-night munchies. H-E-B delivery (yes, they deliver to assisted living) was her go-to for keeping her personal pantry stocked between times that we’d pick up food for her.

Activities

In addition to prepared meals, assisted living facilities offer a variety of activities. This can include movie nights, arts and crafts, church services by visiting clergy, exercise sessions, choir, Thirsty Thursday events where alcohol (yes, actual alcohol) is served to the residents by staff, trips to the grocery store and to restaurants, and just about anything else the staff can come up with, or is recommended by the residents. Each month an activity schedule would be emailed out and posted that showed the activities that would be occurring. We, as family, were welcome to join in any of them, and would usually join in the monthly themed dinners like the Hawaiian Luau, Cinco de Mayo, western night, and others. We enjoyed going, hearing the karaoke singer, seeing Santa make the rounds, and talking with other residents and staff. Many times, this is when we were able to meet the family members of friends that mom made, which was nice. And, most of all, Mom really enjoyed us being there—it gave her something to look forward to, and I think she liked to show off her family to her friends (which, hey, it’s always great to be loved by your mom so much that she’s proud of you and wants to show you off!)

Transportation

Depending on your ability, and the assisted living location you choose, you could still have a car and use it if you wanted. We kept Mom’s car there, but she never used it—a fact I’m grateful for because I’m not sure it would’ve been safe for her to do so. But it was very handy for when I needed to take her to appointments. It was a minivan, which was much easier for her to get in and out of, and there was room for her wheelchair in the back.

Transportation to medical appointments was available, though we only tried that once when my schedule wouldn’t allow for me to take Mom myself. As you might expect, when you depend on assisted living for transportation, you are on their schedule—both for drop-off and pick-up, so early coordination and patience are required. Mom had to be ready early for pick-up, then had to wait for a while after her appointment was over for the driver to come back and pick her up.

Medical Support

The assisted living facility always had at least one nurse onsite who could provide basic care, if needed, and provide medication to residents who weren’t able to administer their own meds. However, they really only provided basic care; if a patient fell or was injured, the medical staff would call an ambulance for the resident to be taken to the hospital.

Also, you should know that having the nursing staff provide medication will be more expensive, primarily because the medications are tightly controlled and closely monitored. Mom was able to self-medicate, but she was required to keep her meds locked up in a drawer that only she had access to.

We were grateful that the facility also had on-site physical therapists who could help Mom to try and stay active, at least when she was willing. Being onsite meant one less trip that had to be coordinated. And, the physical therapy staff was great at gently encouraging, helping, and pushing her to be active and increase her mobility. She made considerable improvement when she consistently attended her appointments and did her exercises.

Staying Active

Though there’s no one dictating when you can come and go from assisted living, if you are no longer able to drive and are dependent on other people or services to get you places outside the facility, I could see how it might feel like a prison. In this regard, it could feel as though someone has taken away your freedom. And much like prison, the things you have to look forward to are meals, appointments, and things that break up the monotony. And that’s also why it’s important to do those things. They break you out of a rut, they give you things to look forward to.

So, my recommendation is to go to activities, even if mundane, just to have things to keep you active and engaged. In life, the more active you are, the healthier you’ll be. Be it mental, physical, or social, we need engagement and activity. We don’t do well when were static. A body at rest will stay at rest, as Newton would say. It feels good to sleep in, sit on the couch, watch TV, scroll your phone or surf on your computer. But what you really need to do is get out there and do things, with people.

Advice

Choose a facility carefully and continue reevaluating. A facility’s quality can change with new ownership, management, or staffing.
Expect some complaints, especially about food. Take concerns seriously, but recognize that dissatisfaction with taste, portions, and selection is common.
Review the activity calendar and participate regularly. Even simple activities provide structure, reduce boredom, and support mental, physical, and social health.
Embrace the opportunities to do new things and meet new people.
For family, join events when possible. Holiday meals, themed dinners, and other gatherings help residents stay connected and allow families to meet staff and other residents.
Evaluate transportation and driving honestly. Keeping a car may be convenient, but safety should come first. Facility transportation also requires advance planning and patience.
Understand the limits and costs of medical support. Onsite nurses generally provide basic care, while emergencies require hospital services. Medication management will also involve additional fees.

Curated Compositions

Discussion about this post

Ready for more?